The Quote Garden

 I dig old books.

 Est. 1998

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Quotations about Pie


There's no diet list I'll follow that would rule out cherry pie. ~Edgar A. Guest

I beg your pardon, my lord; promises and pie-crust are made to be broken. ~Jonathan Swift

A boy doesn't have to go to war to be a hero. He can say he doesn't like pie, when he sees there is not enough to go round. ~Author unknown, early 1900s

No matter what conditions
      Dyspeptic come to feaze,
The best of all physicians
      Is apple-pie and cheese!
~Eugene Field, "Apple-Pie and Cheese"

The doctor says that pies are harmful, I must eat them no more; and that is why they seem to charmful I'd like to eat a score. Before me there are wholesome vittles that I may safely try; I'll have of them no jots or tittles, my system shrieks for pie. ~Walt Mason (1862–1939), "Perversity"

I'll obey them in the winter when the doctors say to me
I must give up ham and spinach, and obedient I'll be.
To relieve my indigestion in December they can try,
But there's none of them can stop me when it's time for cherry pie.
~Edgar A. Guest

Do you really want to know "whether oatmeal is preferable to pie as an American national food"? I suppose the best answer I can give to your question is to tell you what is my own practice. Oatmeal in the morning, as an architect lays a bed of concrete to form a base for his superstructure. Pie when I can get it... ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, in The Atlantic Monthly, July 1890

De gustibus, 't is stated,
      Non disputandum est.
Which meaneth, when translated,
      That all is for the best.
So let the foolish choose 'em
      The vapid sweets of sin,
I will not disabuse 'em
      Of the heresy they 're in;
But I, when I undress me
      Each night, upon my knees
Will ask the Lord to bless me
      With apple-pie and cheese!
~Eugene Field, "Apple-Pie and Cheese"

To make an apple pie, you need wheat, apples, a pinch of this and that, and the heat of an oven. The ingredients are made of molecules, which in turn, are made of atoms. Except for hydrogen, the atoms are made in stars. A star is a kind of cosmic kitchen inside which atoms of hydrogen are cooked into heavier atoms. The hydrogen was made in the Big Bang, the explosion that began the Cosmos. If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe. ~Carl Sagan, Cosmos, 1980  [a little altered —tg]

Pie and coffee is approximately the third best social interaction a man can hope to have with a woman. ~Author unknown

Pie... it fills the cracks of the heart. Go away, pain! ~Kevin James and Nick Bakay, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, 2009

When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, ummmm, boy. ~Jack Handey, Deeper Thoughts, 1993,

One little thing can revive a guy
And that is a piece of rhubarb pie
Serve it up, nice and hot
Maybe things aren't as bad as you thought.
~Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie, "sponsor" of A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

The better a pie tastes, the worse it is for you. ~E. W. Howe

Full many a sinful notion
      Conceived of foreign powers
Has come across the ocean
      To harm this land of ours;
And heresies called fashions
      Have modesty effaced,
And baleful, morbid passions
      Corrupt our native taste.
O tempora! O mores!
      What profanations these
That seek to dim the glories
      Of apple-pie and cheese!
~Eugene Field, "Apple-Pie and Cheese"

There is a very odd prejudice against pie as an article of diet. It is common to hear every form of bodily degeneracy and infirmity attributed to this particular favorite food. I see no reason or sense in it. Mr. Emerson believed in pie, and was almost indignant when a fellow-traveller refused the slice offered him... If every Green Mountain boy has not eaten a thousands times his weight in apple, pumpkin, squash, and mince pie, call me a dumpling. And Colonel Ethan Allen was one of them, — Ethan Allen, who, as they used to say, could wrench off the head of a wrought nail with his teeth. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, in The Atlantic Monthly, July 1890

...we must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie... It casts out stress as the heat of the hand repels quicksilver... Keep you your precious vapors, your fantods, your anxiety. Give me a pie. Give me a pie anyday. ~David Mamet, Boston Marriage

The market is full of delights in July:
Fresh vegetables, berries, red cherries for pie!
~Louise Bennett Weaver and Helen Cowles LeCron, "July," A Thousand Ways to Please a Husband with Bettina's Best Recipes, 1917

New England's diet line... journeying towards the White Mountains, a line passing through Bellows Falls, and bending a little south on either side, would mark northward the region of perpetual pie. In this region pie is to be found at all hours and seasons, and at every meal... The absence of pie would be more noticed than a scarcity of Bible even. ~Charles Dudley Warner, Backlog Studies, 1873  [a little altered —tg]

Give an American a newspaper and a pie and he will make himself comfortable anywhere. ~Ambrose Bierce

Apple-tree, apple-tree, crowned with delight,
Give me your fruit for a pie if you will;—
Crusty I'll make it, and juicy and light!—
Give me your treasure to mate with my skill!
~Louise Bennett Weaver and Helen Cowles LeCron, "September," A Thousand Ways to Please a Husband with Bettina's Best Recipes, 1917

But rooting against the Yankees is as American as a microwaved wedge of frozen apple pie topped with a slice of processed cheese. ~George F. Will, "The Golden Age"

EDEN. The garden where Adam and Eve baked the first apple pie and pied the human race. ~Noah Lott (George V. Hobart), The Silly Syclopedia, 1905

Your flavored creams and ices
      And your dainty angel-food
Are mighty fine devices
      To regale the dainty dude;
Your terrapin and oysters,
      With wine to wash 'em down,
Are just the thing for roisters
      When painting of the town;
No flippant, sugared notion
      Shall my appetite appease,
Or bate my soul's devotion
      To apple-pie and cheese!
~Eugene Field, "Apple-Pie and Cheese"

Pie is a shorter word than indigestion, but it gets there just the same. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1906, George Horace Lorimer, editor

[P]ie... the secret of our strength as a nation and the foundation of our industrial supremacy... ~"Editorial Comment: Hints in Gastronomy," Current Literature: A Magazine of Contemporary Record, June 1902

Pie is the American synonym of prosperity and its varying contents the calendar of the changing seasons. Pie is the food of the heroic. No pie-eating people can ever be permanently vanquished. It is a significant historical fact that England's glory was greatest in the days when her gallant sons ate pie.... True, there are doctors who preach against the pie habit and who profess to search for an antitoxin for the extinction of the pie microbe; but no one has ever known a doctor to refuse a second piece of pie. ~New York Times, 1902 May 3rd

In our own glad and fortunate country the seasons are known by their respective dominant pies—for each there is an appropriate pie, with apple pie for all the year round.... The perfect days of June welcome the lip-painting berry pies.... Then, as nature paints the forests with her magic brush, comes in the golden glory of the year, the royal pumpkin pie! ~New York Times, 1902 May 3rd

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